The fantasy dinner party conversation is one that a lot of couples have when they first get together – it’s an interesting way of finding out someone’s interests and trying to deduce your compatibility. If your prospective partner wants to have Pol Pot round for a pizza, or Stalin round for a sausage stew, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

Anyway, to help get into the festive spirit; I thought it might be fun to do a Fantasy Christmas Dinner blog post. I’m not going to add a proper linky at the bottom of the post, but I’d love it if other bloggers wanted to do a similar post; if you do, then put the link into the comments at the bottom, and I’ll copy it into the main body of this post.

Caterer: Jamie Oliver. I’m hoping he might agree to kip on the sofa and stay to do something tasty with the leftovers on Boxing Day. Jools is banned though. No woman should look that good after having four children…

Entertainment: You don’t really want anyone singing while you’re eating your dinner and chatting, but a bit of piano music in the background might be nice. So I’ll say Elton, and if there’s call for a sing-song later in the evening he can lead the way.

Dress Code: Novelty knitted jumpers for all.

Guest List:

Meryl Streep: My favourite actress, although I’ve not yet seen the Thatcher film. I’m a bit worried she’ll be too good in it and it’ll irrevocably turn me against her. She spent some time studying at the same university as DorkyDad, so they’d have plenty to chat about. And if there are any disasters in the kitchen, I’m sure she’ll remember some of her scenes from Julie and Julia so she’ll be able to help out.

David Attenborough: The closest thing I have to a hero. Some of my very earliest childhood memories are of watching nature programmes on television. When I was pregnant with DorkySon – I can’t believe I’m admitting this – I bought the DVD boxset of The Life Collection, envisaging life a few years down the line when I would snuggle up on the sofa with my yet-to-be-born child to watch meerkats and polar bears and elephants. As yet, DorkySon is showing no interest whatsoever in the natural world, but perhaps if he spent his Christmas Dinner being jiggled on the knee of Sir D that might change.

Al Gore: Because surely if you got Al Gore and David Attenborough in the same room they could figure out how to save the world. My only worry about Gore is that he might eat more than his fair share of Christmas pudding… It also means that I can’t really have Barack Obama, because two bigwig Democrats might be a bit much, even for this house. But maybe I’ll ask Obama next year instead. By Christmas 2012 his diary might be a little clearer…

Judi Dench: Dame Judi was interviewed in the Observer earlier this year, and I fell a little bit more in love with her purely on the basis of this quote: “Am I an exerciser? Not in the slightest. I drink champagne. I’ll exercise tomorrow.” She is absolutely my kind of lady.

Simon Cowell: I have an inexplicable but hard-to-shake soft spot for Mr Nasty. The most recent season of X Factor has been boring as hell without him on the judging panel. Anyway, no Christmas dinner would be complete without a bit of a drunken barney, and I imagine the Elton-Simon one would be a corker.

Billy Connolly and Pamela Stephenson: Between them, they could cover all conversational bases, from sex to Route 66. And every good dinner party needs a beardy, joke-telling Scotsman.

Tam Dalyell: I had the pleasure of meeting Tam a few times during his time as Rector of Edinburgh University. Despite a reputation for being a bit brusque, I only ever saw him being warm, wise and generous with his time. Carling don’t make politicians, but if they did…. they’d be proper old school, lefty, fiercely intelligent and funny ones like Tam Dalyell.

Eight guests seems about right to me; enough to get some good banter going, but not so many that it’s overwhelming. The two folk who nearly made the guest list but just missed out – they’ll be gutted I know – are Stephen Fry and Caitlin Moran. They’d both just a little too smart and funny. I don’t want anyone to show me up in my own house!

So. That’s the Fantasy Christmas Dinner.

But I have to add a slightly gushy caveat. The reality is that I will spend Christmas morning with the three people I am closest to in the world – DorkyDad, DorkyGranny and DorkySon – opening our stockings, drinking champagne, and making a terrible mess in the kitchen as we attempt eggs Benedict for breakfast. In the afternoon we’ll all sit down together to pull our crackers and wear our silly hats. Between DorkyDad’s beef, DorkyGranny’s gravy, and Jamie Oliver’s roast potatoes as interpreted by me, the food will be awesome.

I would take my reality over my fantasy every single time.

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Other Bloggers hosting Dinner Parties this Christmas

Blur of Woodsmoke

Five Go Blogging

Mummy Central