There are some things – fashion, crafts, cake decorating – that should really be left to the people who do them well.
I’m going to add gardening to that list. My politics may be green, but my fingers most certainly are not.
Don’t get me wrong. I like to sit in the garden at the end of the day, glass of wine in hand, letting the last rays of the sun ease some warmth into my shoulders. I like to watch DorkySon potter around out there, rubbing lavender or mint or thyme between his plump little fingers, putting them to his face, and inhaling deeply. I like the sweet hum of the bees; the soft beat of butterfly wings, and the way Mr Blackbird watches with one beady eye as I walk to collect the mail. I even like the tiny little skinks that dart out from the cracks in our wall.
But all the work? The nitty gritty business of gardening required to sustain all that life? It doesn’t come naturally to me.
Digging in the dirt, soil under fingernails, watching earwigs wriggle. Lugging around huge bags of compost that always, always, seem to split and leave trails of damp, dark matter across the recently swept deck. The endless pondering of sunny spots and shady corners, fertiliser, drainage, raking, weeding… trimming this and pruning that.
Gosh. It’s all so much effort.
But needs must. DorkyDad is away on a work trip and I have been left in charge. Tasked with the job of getting our garden through this week. From the penstemon to the adenanthos, from the lemon tree to the fuchsia to the bleeding heart vine; there are no casualties allowed.
The morning begins with sweat and curses as I faff around at the tap with connections and contraptions, none of which I can seem to fit properly. I haul that heavy bastard of a hose down the three tiers of our garden, temporarily blinded as the poorly-fitted attachment bursts off and I take a full stream of water to the eyes. I stumble over a stack of surplus paving stones and catch my shin on a sharp edge. As I lean against a tree in pain, a group of schoolgirls pass the gate and look at my soaking, mud-spattered figure with an expression of horror.
I am doing my best in this new role; the unwilling waterer of plants. But in truth I feel like some hapless Hugh Grant character, completely unprepared for the task at hand.
This week, for perhaps the first time ever, I am praying for rain.
Dorkymum | Stories from Tasmania 
Right. Move me in. I’ll be your gardener, cook, cleaner, anything. I love gardening in Tassie! Get my mum in! She is a master gardener!
Bind weed. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh
So beautifully written. And I am with you on the bastard hose.
ooh bindweed is nightmare but come on Ruth you are a nurturer don’t let this defeat you (get one of those coiled hose thingys)
Awww you will uhm love it in the end, I am sure.. she says……..
That photograph is just beautiful. I would love to be good at gardening, I really would, but some things are just not meant to be it seems! 😀
I had you done to be a keen Percy Thrower, Ruth.I’m longing to have a garden so I can at least try at gardening.
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I am shocking at gardening but I do like pottering out in the garden. Maybe I can be a professional potterer 😉
Gardening… That is for Mother in Laws or people who are paid to do it… or Titchmarsh, he loves it, get him round!
Wonderfully written…. give it a chance and you might get into it. When we moved into our new house nearly a year ago, the garden beds were completely over grown with weeds; Younger Dad turned around to me and said, ‘so you’ll be looking after the garden then,’… ‘what?’ And it turned out that I found weeding and blowing all Younger Dad’s cash at the local garden center very satisfying indeed. Lovely post and photo. X
Oh this is so me! I love the enjoying the garden but loathe all of the mess, plus I always seem to kill everything.
I hate gardening too. It has this image of a hobby for genteel ladies who potter about in their gardens – but it’s hard work!
You are good, I’m afraid I don’t have the patience to be a gardener. 🙂
As I sit here at the end of our Sunday, taking in the las rays of sunshine and listening to the bees buzzing in the lemon and lime trees, I realize that (thanks to you) I should give Mark a break and sweep the garden… Won’t that be a nice surprise for him?
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